Tag Archives: help

friends… or the people who can call you on your bullshit


Years ago a very good friend of mine committed suicide, it came as such a blow to those who loved her and had no clue she was suffering so bad. The evening after I heard the news I took a dance class and when entering the room my teacher took a look at me and came up and said “Are you ok?” I told her what had happened and she said “I’m so sorry.” I quickly replied “It’s ok.” She looked me square in the eye and said “No, it isn’t OK.”… at which point I fully broke down because it SO wasn’t ok, it’s not ok to hide your sorrow from your family and friends and admit you’re weak and struggling and for my part it wasn’t right to try to be the strong one and put on the face of someone who was ok either, because I wasn’t ok.

So often I find that we put on the face and march along like good little soldiers, we help those who ask, we help our children, we take care of our parents. The hope is that someone might look you square in the eye, like my teacher, and call bullshit. Bullshit that you are holding it all together. Someone who can see you and that (more importantly) you let see you and then letting that person bear some of the weight that you are carrying around.

Let me assure you, I am fine… no really, this isn’t a call for help. Not that things are ok… I struggle with lots of shit on a daily basis, hell I have a fourteen year old dramatic actress living under my roof who never stops practicing for her own daily soap opera… but on this grey May morning I was reminded of people who really “see” you and how important that is.

So my task, should you choose to accept it is that you find someone you love, look past their words of “ok” and call them on their bullshit, and then take them out for a cupcake.